i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
