I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
