So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
