sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize