If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
