There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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