some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
