is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
