He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
i now understand why vodka
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
