Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
