is your mom at the bar?
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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