the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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