weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
