you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
