I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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