Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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