I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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