"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
