did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
