Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
