I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
