I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
