She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
