Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
