anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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