I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
