i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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