im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
