Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
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