I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
