u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
