Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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