dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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