Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
