i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
