Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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