I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
im about as happy as oj after his trial
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
