so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
