It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
