GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
