We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
My balls are so social today.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
