Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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