Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
