So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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