You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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