Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
