Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
