Need sex. Gaining weight.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
