She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
