I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize