no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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