I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
