my phone needs a breathalizer
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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