Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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