I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
