Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Come see our sink grown plant.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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