I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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