Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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