Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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