it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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