i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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