Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Girls should come with a carfax report
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
