and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize