you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
