totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
