HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Randomize
