everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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