I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
