The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
