I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
