Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
