Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
