You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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