Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
he just fucked me for my cheese..
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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