I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
